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the_kev
28.10.2008, 00:32
This is possibly one of my worst posts ever, because I am at the verge of one of my hardest decisions. Shall I get along with my work, or start something new. Not that I don't like my job. In fact, its quite the opposite. I live for what I become, that's for sure... but as always, there are new things popping up along the way. My own history always throws back at me. Actually there is a third scenario as well... where I just fall out of existance. Not that this is my plan in the first place, but actually there are certain points, I have to admit, which I don't like in my own history. But on the other hand, isn't it that, what made me become like me? Who would I be without having the way of live I had. Who am I to judge about that? Who am I to play god and change history, I mean, if I could. And who is listening to such a lunatic like me anyway? Biing almost 30 years old, not yet having a propper training finalized. Why is all that emerging now and not years later?

I mean it's not mid-life crisis is it? I am not yet there, am I. Why is my emotional clock running so slow, while my educational clock is running so fast and last but not least, why am I looking this young. And why the hack am I this young (in my body) and finaly, why am I this old in my head. Is it just me biing unfair, or is it the world biing unfair to me?

I certainly know that learning is an everlasting ongoing thing, but will there be enough to learn to compensate the own needs? Will education still be something for the better once? What did I do to get in rediculous sitations like I alsways do? Finding no way out, starting to hide and seek myself afterwards.
I am a Universe in a "nuts-shell"

Karu
28.10.2008, 18:31
I guess u are right with your statement.
Everyone of us lives his or her life in a nutshell we call "ourselfs". Our charaktar.

You know, I have been into worse things, which I don't wish anybody to happen to them.
You stated it the right way: You are you because of what happend to you and how you interpreted it.
Like the cup is half-full or half-emty. It's the same thing but a different point of view.

So what you ask us you only can answer by yourself.
At first: make a truce with yourself, also because u are torn to pieces.
You life - when I'm right - in to worlds and dont know where to go.
Separated not only in big and tiny, but also fights logic your emotions.
In my point of view, it's the worse case cenario for a human being.

And then you also mangle yourself because of your paste, wanna alter it. Why?
Take some days of and start to think, but not in your home.
Visit alone some places you like and enjoy the view, start diskusing your plans with others to find some errors in them - if there are some.

Afaik the "midlife crisis" occours to people which think they have not seen everything the wanted - it's more a feeling as a fact.
Ask yourself "Am I happy?" and ask you "Why?" and "Why not?"
"Can i live the life i have?"
That would - in my opinion - the key to solve the most of your questions.


Sincerly Karu

08/15
29.10.2008, 14:33
And why the hack am I this young (in my body) and finaly, why am I this old in my head.

Yes, I definitely feel the same. I am a bit older than a quater of a century, but I feel like I am a lot older than that. Maybe it is because I have experienced a lot more hardship than most people my age, or even most people twice my age.

I am an old soul in a young body, always have been. Live for me is a lot more difficult than it is for most people. For others things just work out, for me, I have to work hard just to stay on course. The problem is not that I am not intelligent, to the contrary, I am more intelligent than most people. I just have incredible problems with human social behaviour.

For most people social behaviour comes naturally, for me it does not. I had to learn all those unlogical thins and make sure I do not come across too 'different', or I will be excluded again.

But I am differnt than all those people. My brain just works differently. But they often do not accept that people can be different. They just tell me how easy something that I have incredible difficulty with is for everyone, and expect that I have no difficulties either. But when I tell them how easy that problem they have is for me, they call me arrogant.

The only problem is, that they are the majority. They don't have to consider that others might be wired totally diffently to them, because most of the time assuming everyone thinks in similar ways to them just works. For me, it is incredibly rare to find someone whose thoughts work similar to mine, so I have to live in a worl where everyone is totally different to me.

Well, at least I now know why this is, and have stopped thinking that I should be like everyone else.

Karu
29.10.2008, 15:28
Original von 08/15
Well, at least I now know why this is, and have stopped thinking that I should be like everyone else.

Then you have found the step in your personal evolution which kevke is still searching.
The mainline is allways: be yourself.

And for me: "be yourself - no matter what".
I also struggled in this world of arrogance and despair.
But it's also the pain which evolve you as a social being. Many of other people got pampered or got tamed by TV and this so called "commerce".
They idiotically follow each path they were shown on TV - without reflecting or even thinking about it.
And in this world it's the majority.


That's why it is so hard to find somebody which is in some point simular to you.
Afraid of searching, hide behind a mask.
But how do you wanna find somebody like you, when all are masked and no one has the trust in themself to show how they are?
I would be a coincidence to find one when hiding.


Last bt not least:
No one is alike another. Only the basics are the same.
If u don't know them, u have to learn.
The main problem i see so far ist, that when in the youth people got execluded, they have to learn social skills later - with much greater efforts.
And why? There is no instinct left for it. Defending the self in a nutshell - don'T get destroyed, but unlearning required skills, which are the later the harder to learn.

The other side of the coin ist that therefor the logical part has evolved much better, helping to solvie logic problems easier. For yourself the solution is simple, for them not to see. The porblem i guess you have is, that u can't say it to them indirectly, only helping them to solve theri problem "allone".
Advising them in a way so that they learn the way to go, not to show them the full result.
Sure that's what u lack ... the social skill not to pin them at a wall with facts and issues - essentially not in group - killing their self-esteem. Results are allways anger and grieve.


Sorry for pinpoint it that harsh, but that's what was on my mind when was reading your text.


Sincerely Karu

Bongo
29.10.2008, 15:29
Original von kevke2001
This is possibly one of my worst posts ever, because I am at the verge of one of my hardest decisions. Shall I get along with my work, or start something new. Not that I don't like my job.
Hmm... is there a new opportunity waiting for you somewhere (like, has anyone offered you a different job), or is this more of a general question you're asking yourself?
If it's the former, you'll need to assess the pros and cons of both taking the new job and keeping the old one. A new job would only be worth taking if it has advantages over the old job that are either very great or at least very important to you. If the new job were pretty much like the old one, it may not be worth changing.


Original von kevke2001
... but as always, there are new things popping up along the way. My own history always throws back at me. Actually there is a third scenario as well... where I just fall out of existance. Not that this is my plan in the first place, but actually there are certain points, I have to admit, which I don't like in my own history. But on the other hand, isn't it that, what made me become like me? Who would I be without having the way of live I had. Who am I to judge about that? Who am I to play god and change history, I mean, if I could. And who is listening to such a lunatic like me anyway?
Yeah, we're all just the sum of our experiences. I've gone through a lot of shit myself. Naturally there were also good times. But it's the negative experiences that often come to haunt you in the most inconvenient moments. You wonder "why me?" or "what's-his-name is having a pretty perfect life with only minor and ridiculous complications along the way. Why can't I have that, too?"
Despite all that, I'm not sure if -- given the chance -- I would change anything. It would make me a different person than I am now. And I'm not sure if I'd want that. Not without being shown the possible outcomes beforehand and having the opportunity to actively choose one, anyway ;)


Original von kevke2001
Biing almost 30 years old, not yet having a propper training finalized. Why is all that emerging now and not years later?
Well, if it were to emerge in, say, 20 years from now, it might be too late ;)
If you haven't finished your training/education yet, I'd definitely recommend going through with it. Because even if you decide you'd rather do something else later, you will at least _have_ some kind of professional training. That's always better than not having any. Having a solid base for your further life is important, especially at your age. Once you've managed that, you can still try other things if you feel the need to.


Original von kevke2001
I mean it's not mid-life crisis is it? I am not yet there, am I. Why is my emotional clock running so slow, while my educational clock is running so fast and last but not least, why am I looking this young. And why the hack am I this young (in my body) and finaly, why am I this old in my head. Is it just me biing unfair, or is it the world biing unfair to me?
I think you must have been very distressed when you wrote that. A good idea might be to lie down and get some sleep. You may feel better afterwards. I'm saying this because it usually works for me. Some things can't just be resolved -- they have to be endured. Not because the world is a bad place that wants your guts. Instead, the question to be asked is: "What else would you be doing?" If you have a useful realistic answer to that, it's worth checking into. If you don't, you may as well continue along your present path until maybe some day something more interesting comes along. Until then, you may want to concentrate on other aspects of your life which you find more pleasing, while continuing to work and learn.


Original von kevke2001
I certainly know that learning is an everlasting ongoing thing, but will there be enough to learn to compensate the own needs? Will education still be something for the better once? What did I do to get in rediculous sitations like I alsways do? Finding no way out, starting to hide and seek myself afterwards.
That's what I sometimes wonder about, too. Generally, a big YES: There's always new stuff, things you haven't seen yet. They may come your way completely by coincidence. I, for one, have often come across topics online which I have found extremely fascinating. I then researched everything I coud find about that one topic. After a few months, I'd get frustrated because there was no more new information left. That can be really depressing. But after a while, new stuff turns up and the process starts again.
It's not some kind of plan that can be outlined, however. It's your life, it's mostly not predictable, and often all you can do is to just stand there and receive it :)


Original von kevke2001
I am a Universe in a "nuts-shell"
A "nuts-shell"? That's a nice play on words. I always suspected you might be a whole universe trapped inside a shell that's nuts ;)

Try not to take it too hard. Go on a short vacation by yourself (like Karu suggested). Try not to think at all -- the answers will come to you of their own accord (if there currently are any answers). I'd say "hang in there", things will get better :)

the_kev
29.10.2008, 22:39
Thank you for your nice statements, please give me the opportunity to quote some statements of you and give you a door to my world. Let's start with Bongo!


Quoted from Bongo
Yeah, we're all just the sum of our experiences.

Well, that's right for the most ppl. And might be right for me, too. In one thing I totally disagree, I am a big part of someonse elses experience. In most cases! Biing this is just unfair. Excluded, may be on purpose, may be just because, noone is keen enough to open that door. Even me, sometimes I am not that keen. This is why, anyway.


Quoted from Bongo

It would make me a different person than I am now. And I'm not sure if I'd want that. Not without being shown the possible outcomes beforehand and having the opportunity to actively choose one, anyway ;)



Besides the masks, how many mask do I have to wear anyway? Why do I have to wear them, just to be socially more acceptet, excepted? No way, any way!

Choosing is luxury, kismet is ordinary, forcing is just eery!


quoted from Bongo

Hmm... is there a new opportunity waiting for you somewhere (like, has anyone offered you a different job), or is this more of a general question you're asking yourself?



Without general questions, there would not be any opporunities. Without opportunities, no general questions... so who comes first... Egg or Hen

In my case it's the egg, but I need a Hen for birthing it... Lunatically enough?


quoted from Bongo

A good idea might be to lie down and get some sleep.



For the most people it might be a good idea to leave the decission to the pillow, but with me, it isn't. Actually I am sort of affraid falling asleep, not because I might not awake, but the time in that automatization gobbles.
On the other hand, and here is the awkwardest part of the whole thing, sometimes it happens that I fall asleep during the day, AT WORK!

Some may say, then go to sleep earlier, to them I have to say, I am going to bed very early. No matter what, my "mindmashine" appears to be afraid to slow down. Last but not least, who would believe that a so called "genious" is not able to tie his shoes or closes his shirt and most awkwardly wetting the bed past 16 yrs of age. Oh well, I just started again, anyway.

An I.Q. can be a nice number, but to the once who hadn't have the opportunity to be supported, to be cared about it's a grudge!. And to the once that fear the future for a "child" they either cannot comprehend or would not understand, it give a brandmark! Intelligence is a nice thing to have, but to some it scares them to death. Welcome to my dilemma.

Says the guy who watches the thirteenth episode of Doogie Howser M.D. in a row!!!

Bongo
30.10.2008, 00:01
Original von kevke2001

Quoted from Bongo
Yeah, we're all just the sum of our experiences.

Well, that's right for the most ppl. And might be right for me, too. In one thing I totally disagree, I am a big part of someonse elses experience. In most cases! Biing this is just unfair. Excluded, may be on purpose, may be just because, noone is keen enough to open that door. Even me, sometimes I am not that keen. This is why, anyway.
I don't really understand what you're trying to say here. Is it that you would like to have more contact with other people on this forum, but it doesn't seem to work? Common problem -- not everyone here is ready for meeting people in RL. But going to the Stammtisch on a regular basis would be a good place to start. just get to know people a little by listening to what they talk about.


Original von kevke2001

Quoted from Bongo
It would make me a different person than I am now. And I'm not sure if I'd want that. Not without being shown the possible outcomes beforehand and having the opportunity to actively choose one, anyway ;)
Besides the masks, how many mask do I have to wear anyway? Why do I have to wear them, just to be socially more acceptet, excepted? No way, any way!

Choosing is luxury, kismet is ordinary, forcing is just eery!!
That's got nothing to do with what you quoted from my posting. I'd be the last person to recommend wearing a mask to anyone.


Original von kevke2001

quoted from Bongo
Hmm... is there a new opportunity waiting for you somewhere (like, has anyone offered you a different job), or is this more of a general question you're asking yourself?
Without general questions, there would not be any opporunities. Without opportunities, no general questions... so who comes first... Egg or Hen

In my case it's the egg, but I need a Hen for birthing it... Lunatically enough?
I still think what you need is a vacation :)


Original von kevke2001

Quoted from Bongo
A good idea might be to lie down and get some sleep.
For the most people it might be a good idea to leave the decission to the pillow, but with me, it isn't. Actually I am sort of affraid falling asleep, not because I might not awake, but the time in that automatization gobbles.
No, what I'm saying is: if you take a nap, you might be less aggravated afterwards and you might be able to see things from a distance.


Original von kevke2001
On the other hand, and here is the awkwardest part of the whole thing, sometimes it happens that I fall asleep during the day, AT WORK!
Yeah, so what? So do I. almost every day. If you can't help it, you can't help it :)


Original von kevke2001
Some may say, then go to sleep earlier, to them I have to say, I am going to bed very early. No matter what, my "mindmashine" appears to be afraid to slow down. Last but not least, who would believe that a so called "genious" is not able to tie his shoes or closes his shirt and most awkwardly wetting the bed past 16 yrs of age. Oh well, I just started again, anyway.
Are you saying you're a genius? And are you then saying you can't tie your shoes or button your shirt? I find that hard to believe. All of the three actually :)
Sorry, no offence intended. :)
Well, if you're wetting the bed again, you are obviously under a lot of stress. I don't know much about you or your life, so I'm not really in a position to tell you what to do. But maybe you should slow down a bit, try not to do too many things simultaneously.
And, by the way, nobody's perfect. other people may not have the same deficits/problems you have. But usually that just means that they have other deficits that you just haven't noticed yet :)


Original von kevke2001
An I.Q. can be a nice number, but to the once who hadn't have the opportunity to be supported, to be cared about it's a grudge!.
Hmm, I don't have an IQ. I simply exist.


Original von kevke2001
And to the once that fear the future for a "child" they either cannot comprehend or would not understand, it give a brandmark! Intelligence is a nice thing to have, but to some it scares them to death. Welcome to my dilemma.
Well, I'm no shrink. Maybe one of them can be of better assistance. No, I'm not saying you're crazy. I'm just saying what you need is a fresh outlook on life, yourself, the universe and everything. Right now, you seem to be running down a dead-end track at full speed. This isn't going to get you anywhere. You do know that, don't you?

Not everyone gets along with everyone. it's not just a question of intelligence. Religion, even ridiculous things like hobbies can determine if people get along or not.



Original von kevke2001
Says the guy who watches the thirteenth episode of Doogie Howser M.D. in a row!!!
Well, I believe it was just last year when I watched deep space nine, voyager, star trek the original series, andromeda. Usually about 6 -10 episodes a day. Like ALL of them :) That's about 1200 episodes altogether. And I probably forgot something in that list :)

the_kev
30.10.2008, 22:22
Everyone has an I.Q., but most of the people have been haviing the convinience of not being tested. Most of the people that have been tested, have the inconvinience of being messured on what was the outcome, compared to prodigies, compared of what such prodigies have been made out of their live in the end, was. And most of the prodigies you are finding yourself compared to are unforunatelly dead, or unreachable.

Try to talk to those guys. Accomplishment is not a thing to be questioned, unfortunatelly.

Aniyway, and here is the clicker, when it come to the real live, a genious is like NVGs in the desert at noon,´.

Well then, I prefer Tea, Earl Grey, Hot!

( the rest is comming up )

Bongo
30.10.2008, 22:30
Actually, people only have an IQ if they have been tested. If they haven't been tested, their IQ doesn't really exist yet ;)

luvs_girl
09.11.2008, 21:59
Please allow me to chime in here and lemme say what I'm thinkin' right away. Hopefully, you don't mind me adding a few words of encouragement.

I was very touched by your poignant words and they brought me to tears while reading your post. Well actually, I pretty much do know how u feel. But seriously, I think I can't compete with all your experiences and life issues. I just turned 18 this year.

All I can say is... In tough times, faith is put to the test. So the most important part would be to have a little faith in yourself. Even if you're currently stuck in a life crisis. Cheer up and don't let it get ya down. There will be better times ahead. I'm almost sure. Being that I have struggled through life thus far, too… At least once in a while. I know that even though I am labeled as clinically depressive, many good times lie ahead of me. I have found that when things bother me, I get upset, I may even cry. But eventually, I will pick fun at it and make jokes about what is indeed going on just so that it doesn't get me down. It would be a terrible thang to see all those people, that have no idea how to entirely care for themselves if it were necessary, would lose ground underneath their feet.

We all go through good and hard times. And no one should stay in desperation 'cause it never will pay. It's rather pointless IMO. Bear that in mind. Come on again and kick your butt. This one's somewhat driving me nuts!

But as I said, probably I can't compete with all your issues. It's just my way of life and just my two cents.

Wish y'all the very best! :ja:

the_kev
27.11.2008, 21:28
Ernest Hamingway once said: "Happiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.”

And he is quite right. Not only in reality, but in moving imagines as well. See Dr.House, (I love him so much), Doogie Houser, Malcolm and his brother Deewey, and last but not least "Brains" of Thunderbird.

The question I have is, why is that? Don't "gifted" ppl have the right of happiness? Why is it almost impossible to shut the brain down and just be. Is it impossible to live an easy life? For example: My parents once stood on the decision to bring me in a class for pupil with special needs. If I now see, how this little decision, other parents made for their children, turned out in the end, I would have done so. They have a social life, well I wouldn't call that a social life, but compared to mine, it is a lot better I have to admit.



I think I can't compete with all your experiences and life issues. I just turned 18 this year.


I think even a new born baby can compete with my experience, I have been this old before. As a matter of fact, life is a competition, the price is achievement, and that's the easy part. you have all to loose and anything to win in the end, because we'll all be dust and a name on a plate, sometimes even not.



...have a little faith in yourself...


It is not that I haven't any faith in me, it's in me somwhere, but actually I have lost the power to find it again. Buried under all the unnecessary thoughts and knowledge that waits for being rediscovered. I have faith in god, but in the end, he won't make me coffee in the morning.

No one can possibly be satisfied and no one can be happy who feels that in some paramount affairs he failed to take up the challenge of life.

Anyway, have you all realized, that the word "gift" means "poison" in german. "Gifted" or (vergiftet[german]) can mean poisoned.

the_kev
28.11.2008, 10:17
Original von Bongo
Actually, people only have an IQ if they have been tested. If they haven't been tested, their IQ doesn't really exist yet ;)

Right but wrong, just because something has not been proven to exist, does not mean, it doesn't.

An example we all are familiar is the existence of god. But we are dealing with belifs here.

Let's find another example:
Does a fart, that no one noticed, realy stink?
Does a war, that no one noticed, realy kill people?

A fact does not need a visual presence, but visual presence does need the presence of fact.

Or more confusing, a fact can coexist with it's evidence, but an evidence requires a fact.

I think, this far we can call it common sence,
but we also know, that common sence is not so common.

Bongo
28.11.2008, 14:57
You have caused an OBJECT TYPE MISMATCH ERROR.

OK, let me just clear things up a bit for you here:

Type 1 object (belief):
The existence of God is not scientifically verifiable. Therefore it is merely a belief and not a generally accepted fact.

Type 2 object (fact):
A fart consists of air, various gases and molecules. It can be measured and its existence can be verified.
A war consists of multiple situations where people are fighting each other. It can be observed, and its existence can thereby be verified.
That's why these two things exist independently of whether or not anybody perceives them. One calls that a "fact".

Type 3 object (artificial_construct):
An IQ is a number that is assigned to a person's intelligence by a standardized (but still arbitrarily created) testing method. Therefore it doesn't exist as an inherent trait of any given person. An IQ comes into existence the moment an IQ test has been administered and scored. The IQ is the result of an IQ test. No test, no result. Therefore no IQ in people who haven't been tested (This has nothing to do with whether or not a person is smart).

the_kev
04.12.2008, 22:36
Everything that can be verified exists? So does Inteligence.
All what an IQ does is indicating the strength or call it quote.
Btw. for the most people verification is not neccesary for proving that it is a fact. Therefore God(s) exist, an IQ exists, aliens exist and so do milion of other things.

Just like gasses, wars, or what you gonna call it, inteligence in human beiings does not need to be verfied as a fact, because it is a fact and therfore exists, mesuarble by a number.

Measuring the IQ of someone tells the person in charge his weaknesses and/or strength. This ends up in a number.

Just like the gasses, that need to be examined, to figure out, what kind of gasses they are, Inteligence is examined to find out with what kind of "gifted" person we are dealing with.

And sometimes it even happens that the outcome is not a number, which you can compare to someone else, dead or alife. (The exception proves the rule.)

Everyone compares people, wittingly or unwittingly, by two arguments, sympathy and inteligence. The outcome are two adjudgments.

Do I like this person ?(Yes/No/Maybe)
Do I like his/her kind of inteligence ?(Yes/No/Maybe)

This leads to the final assumtion:

I like this guy/I don't like this guy

Therefore, even that there is no IQ in anyone, that everyone knows, he/she is compared to the own experience of the one that compares.

Bongo
12.12.2008, 15:59
This is complete and utter bullshit. I don't think I'll comment any further. Suggestion: Get a life! :)