This is possibly one of my worst posts ever, because I am at the verge of one of my hardest decisions. Shall I get along with my work, or start something new. Not that I don't like my job. In fact, its quite the opposite. I live for what I become, that's for sure... but as always, there are new things popping up along the way. My own history always throws back at me. Actually there is a third scenario as well... where I just fall out of existance. Not that this is my plan in the first place, but actually there are certain points, I have to admit, which I don't like in my own history. But on the other hand, isn't it that, what made me become like me? Who would I be without having the way of live I had. Who am I to judge about that? Who am I to play god and change history, I mean, if I could. And who is listening to such a lunatic like me anyway? Biing almost 30 years old, not yet having a propper training finalized. Why is all that emerging now and not years later?

I mean it's not mid-life crisis is it? I am not yet there, am I. Why is my emotional clock running so slow, while my educational clock is running so fast and last but not least, why am I looking this young. And why the hack am I this young (in my body) and finaly, why am I this old in my head. Is it just me biing unfair, or is it the world biing unfair to me?

I certainly know that learning is an everlasting ongoing thing, but will there be enough to learn to compensate the own needs? Will education still be something for the better once? What did I do to get in rediculous sitations like I alsways do? Finding no way out, starting to hide and seek myself afterwards.
I am a Universe in a "nuts-shell"