I am a universe in a "nuts-shell"
This is possibly one of my worst posts ever, because I am at the verge of one of my hardest decisions. Shall I get along with my work, or start something new. Not that I don't like my job. In fact, its quite the opposite. I live for what I become, that's for sure... but as always, there are new things popping up along the way. My own history always throws back at me. Actually there is a third scenario as well... where I just fall out of existance. Not that this is my plan in the first place, but actually there are certain points, I have to admit, which I don't like in my own history. But on the other hand, isn't it that, what made me become like me? Who would I be without having the way of live I had. Who am I to judge about that? Who am I to play god and change history, I mean, if I could. And who is listening to such a lunatic like me anyway? Biing almost 30 years old, not yet having a propper training finalized. Why is all that emerging now and not years later?
I mean it's not mid-life crisis is it? I am not yet there, am I. Why is my emotional clock running so slow, while my educational clock is running so fast and last but not least, why am I looking this young. And why the hack am I this young (in my body) and finaly, why am I this old in my head. Is it just me biing unfair, or is it the world biing unfair to me?
I certainly know that learning is an everlasting ongoing thing, but will there be enough to learn to compensate the own needs? Will education still be something for the better once? What did I do to get in rediculous sitations like I alsways do? Finding no way out, starting to hide and seek myself afterwards.
I am a Universe in a "nuts-shell"
RE: I am a universe in a "nuts-shell"
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And why the hack am I this young (in my body) and finaly, why am I this old in my head.
Yes, I definitely feel the same. I am a bit older than a quater of a century, but I feel like I am a lot older than that. Maybe it is because I have experienced a lot more hardship than most people my age, or even most people twice my age.
I am an old soul in a young body, always have been. Live for me is a lot more difficult than it is for most people. For others things just work out, for me, I have to work hard just to stay on course. The problem is not that I am not intelligent, to the contrary, I am more intelligent than most people. I just have incredible problems with human social behaviour.
For most people social behaviour comes naturally, for me it does not. I had to learn all those unlogical thins and make sure I do not come across too 'different', or I will be excluded again.
But I am differnt than all those people. My brain just works differently. But they often do not accept that people can be different. They just tell me how easy something that I have incredible difficulty with is for everyone, and expect that I have no difficulties either. But when I tell them how easy that problem they have is for me, they call me arrogant.
The only problem is, that they are the majority. They don't have to consider that others might be wired totally diffently to them, because most of the time assuming everyone thinks in similar ways to them just works. For me, it is incredibly rare to find someone whose thoughts work similar to mine, so I have to live in a worl where everyone is totally different to me.
Well, at least I now know why this is, and have stopped thinking that I should be like everyone else.
RE: I am a universe in a "nuts-shell"
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Original von 08/15
Well, at least I now know why this is, and have stopped thinking that I should be like everyone else.
Then you have found the step in your personal evolution which kevke is still searching.
The mainline is allways: be yourself.
And for me: "be yourself - no matter what".
I also struggled in this world of arrogance and despair.
But it's also the pain which evolve you as a social being. Many of other people got pampered or got tamed by TV and this so called "commerce".
They idiotically follow each path they were shown on TV - without reflecting or even thinking about it.
And in this world it's the majority.
That's why it is so hard to find somebody which is in some point simular to you.
Afraid of searching, hide behind a mask.
But how do you wanna find somebody like you, when all are masked and no one has the trust in themself to show how they are?
I would be a coincidence to find one when hiding.
Last bt not least:
No one is alike another. Only the basics are the same.
If u don't know them, u have to learn.
The main problem i see so far ist, that when in the youth people got execluded, they have to learn social skills later - with much greater efforts.
And why? There is no instinct left for it. Defending the self in a nutshell - don'T get destroyed, but unlearning required skills, which are the later the harder to learn.
The other side of the coin ist that therefor the logical part has evolved much better, helping to solvie logic problems easier. For yourself the solution is simple, for them not to see. The porblem i guess you have is, that u can't say it to them indirectly, only helping them to solve theri problem "allone".
Advising them in a way so that they learn the way to go, not to show them the full result.
Sure that's what u lack ... the social skill not to pin them at a wall with facts and issues - essentially not in group - killing their self-esteem. Results are allways anger and grieve.
Sorry for pinpoint it that harsh, but that's what was on my mind when was reading your text.
Sincerely Karu
RE: I am a universe in a "nuts-shell"
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Original von kevke2001
This is possibly one of my worst posts ever, because I am at the verge of one of my hardest decisions. Shall I get along with my work, or start something new. Not that I don't like my job.
Hmm... is there a new opportunity waiting for you somewhere (like, has anyone offered you a different job), or is this more of a general question you're asking yourself?
If it's the former, you'll need to assess the pros and cons of both taking the new job and keeping the old one. A new job would only be worth taking if it has advantages over the old job that are either very great or at least very important to you. If the new job were pretty much like the old one, it may not be worth changing.
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Original von kevke2001
... but as always, there are new things popping up along the way. My own history always throws back at me. Actually there is a third scenario as well... where I just fall out of existance. Not that this is my plan in the first place, but actually there are certain points, I have to admit, which I don't like in my own history. But on the other hand, isn't it that, what made me become like me? Who would I be without having the way of live I had. Who am I to judge about that? Who am I to play god and change history, I mean, if I could. And who is listening to such a lunatic like me anyway?
Yeah, we're all just the sum of our experiences. I've gone through a lot of shit myself. Naturally there were also good times. But it's the negative experiences that often come to haunt you in the most inconvenient moments. You wonder "why me?" or "what's-his-name is having a pretty perfect life with only minor and ridiculous complications along the way. Why can't I have that, too?"
Despite all that, I'm not sure if -- given the chance -- I would change anything. It would make me a different person than I am now. And I'm not sure if I'd want that. Not without being shown the possible outcomes beforehand and having the opportunity to actively choose one, anyway ;)
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Original von kevke2001
Biing almost 30 years old, not yet having a propper training finalized. Why is all that emerging now and not years later?
Well, if it were to emerge in, say, 20 years from now, it might be too late ;)
If you haven't finished your training/education yet, I'd definitely recommend going through with it. Because even if you decide you'd rather do something else later, you will at least _have_ some kind of professional training. That's always better than not having any. Having a solid base for your further life is important, especially at your age. Once you've managed that, you can still try other things if you feel the need to.
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Original von kevke2001
I mean it's not mid-life crisis is it? I am not yet there, am I. Why is my emotional clock running so slow, while my educational clock is running so fast and last but not least, why am I looking this young. And why the hack am I this young (in my body) and finaly, why am I this old in my head. Is it just me biing unfair, or is it the world biing unfair to me?
I think you must have been very distressed when you wrote that. A good idea might be to lie down and get some sleep. You may feel better afterwards. I'm saying this because it usually works for me. Some things can't just be resolved -- they have to be endured. Not because the world is a bad place that wants your guts. Instead, the question to be asked is: "What else would you be doing?" If you have a useful realistic answer to that, it's worth checking into. If you don't, you may as well continue along your present path until maybe some day something more interesting comes along. Until then, you may want to concentrate on other aspects of your life which you find more pleasing, while continuing to work and learn.
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Original von kevke2001
I certainly know that learning is an everlasting ongoing thing, but will there be enough to learn to compensate the own needs? Will education still be something for the better once? What did I do to get in rediculous sitations like I alsways do? Finding no way out, starting to hide and seek myself afterwards.
That's what I sometimes wonder about, too. Generally, a big YES: There's always new stuff, things you haven't seen yet. They may come your way completely by coincidence. I, for one, have often come across topics online which I have found extremely fascinating. I then researched everything I coud find about that one topic. After a few months, I'd get frustrated because there was no more new information left. That can be really depressing. But after a while, new stuff turns up and the process starts again.
It's not some kind of plan that can be outlined, however. It's your life, it's mostly not predictable, and often all you can do is to just stand there and receive it :)
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Original von kevke2001
I am a Universe in a "nuts-shell"
A "nuts-shell"? That's a nice play on words. I always suspected you might be a whole universe trapped inside a shell that's nuts ;)
Try not to take it too hard. Go on a short vacation by yourself (like Karu suggested). Try not to think at all -- the answers will come to you of their own accord (if there currently are any answers). I'd say "hang in there", things will get better :)
